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Jokes #3
A
foreman
sent
out
two
groups
of
men
to
put
up
telephone
poles
along
a
new
highway
and
asked
them
to
report
at
the
end
of
the
day.
The
crews
were
gone
all
day
and
returned
just
as
the
sun
was
setting.
The
foreman
asked
the
leader
of
the
first
group
how
many
poles
they
had
installed.
The
reply
was
eleven.
The
foreman
patted
the
guy
on
the
back
and
said,
-
"Not
bad."
Then
he
went
to
the
leader
of
the
next
group
and
asked
him
the
same
question.
Two
was
the
reply.
-
"Two!
All
you
installed
were
two?!
The
other
group
installed
eleven!"
The
foreman
exclaimed
angrily.
-
"Yeah,"
the
leader
answered,
-
"But
you
should
have
seen
how
much
they
left
sticking
out!"
*****
Why
did
the
cow
go
to
the
video
store?
To
get
a
MOOvie.
Why
can’t
you
get
a
straight
answer
from
a
wrestler?
They
are
hard
to
pin
down.
What
do
you
get
when
you
cross
a
dinosaur
and
a
vegetable?
A
broccosaurus.
What
happens
to a
cat
who
drinks
too
much
lemonade?
It
turns
into
a
sourpuss.
Why
did
the
turkey
cross
the
road?
It
was
the
chicken’s
day
off.
Why
do
turkeys
always
go,
"gobble,
gobble"?
Because
they
never
learned
good
table
manners.
If
there
were
ten
cats
in a
boat,
and
one
jumped
out,
how
many
cats
would
be
left?
None.
They’re
copycats.
What
do
yA
man
walks
into
a
bar
and
orders
a
beer.
He
sips
it
and
sets
it
down
a
monkey
swings
across
the
bar
and
pisses
in
the
pint.
The
man
asks
the
barman
who
owns
the
monkey.
The
barman
replies
the
piano
player.
The
man
walks
over
to
the
piano
player
and
says,
"Do
you
know
your
monkey
pissed
in
my
beer."
The
pianist
replies
"No,
but
if
you
hum
it
I'll
play
it."
*****
A
Journalist
has
to
write
a
story
on
the
lack
of
meat
in
Poland.
So
he
goes
to
Poland
and
asks
the
people:
-
"Excuse
me,
what
do
you
think
of
the
lack
of
meat
in
Poland?"
All
the
poles
reply:
"Meat?
What
is
meat?"
Seeing
he
cannot
get
an
answer
in
Poland
he
goes
to
the
USSR
and
asks
the
Soviets:
"Excuse
me,
what
do
you
think
of
the
lack
of
meat
in
Poland?"
All
the
Soviets
reply:
"Think?
What
is
think?"
Seeing
he
cannot
get
an
answer
in
the
USSR
he
goes
to
the
USA
and
asks
the
Americans:
"Excuse
me,
what
do
you
think
of
the
lack
of
meat
in
Poland?"
All
the
Americans
reply:
"Lack?
What
is
lack?"
Seeing
he
cannot
get
an
answer
in
the
USA
he
decides
to
go
to
Israel,
and
asks
the
Israelis:
"Excuse
me,
what
do
you
think
of
the
lack
of
meat
in
Poland?"
To
which
all
the
Israelis
reply:
"Excuse
me?
What
is
excuse
me?"
*****
A
man
and
a
woman
are
standing
at a
cocktail
party
when
the
woman
remarks:
-
"You
know,
you
look
just
like
my
third
husband."
-
"How
many
times
have
you
been
married?"
asks
the
man.
-
"Twice,"
replies
the
lady.
*****
One
day
a
blonde
went
to a
sea
food
restaurant
and
saw
the
tank
where
they
kept
the
lobsters.
She
took
pity
on
these
creatures
and
hide
them
in
her
purse.
Later
she
went
to
the
woods
to
set
the
poor
animals
free.
*****
A
man
was
driving
down
the
road
in
the
country.
He
looked
over
and
saw
a
baby
pig
in
the
field.
He
stopped
and
picked
up
the
pig.
He
was
driving
around
town
with
the
pig
in
the
car
and
a
cop
sees
him
and
pulls
him
over.
Cop
says
-
"Hey,
What
are
you
doing
with
that
pig
in
the
car?",
driver
says
-
"Well,
I
just
found
the
pig
beside
the
road
in
the
field.",
cop
says"
- "I
want
you
to
take
that
pig
to
the
zoo!"
the
driver
agrees
he
will
take
the
pig
to
the
zoo.
So
the
next
day
the
cop
sees
the
guy
driving
around
again
and
pulls
him
over.
-
"WHAT
ARE
YOU
DOING?
I
THOUGHT
I
TOLD
YOU
TO
TAKE
THAT
PIG
TO
THE
ZOO!"
reply,
"Well
I
did
take
the
pig
to
the
zoo.
We
had
such
a
good
time
we
are
going
to
the
ball
game
now."
*****
A
blonde
bombshell
walks
into
the
airplanes
and
sits
in
1st
Class
and
the
stewardess
asks
her
for
her
ticket...
The
stewardess
tells
her
that
she
only
has
a
coach
ticket.
The
blonde
says,
-
"I'm
a
cute
looking
blonde
and
I'm
flying
first
class."
The
stewardess
replies
that
she
only
has
a
coach
seat
to
Atlanta....
the
blonds
then
retorts,
-
"I'm
a
cute
blonde
and
I'm
flying
first
class".
Just
then
the
captain
happened
by
and
asked
what
was
happening....
the
blonde
tells
him,
-
"I'm
a
cute
blonde
and
I'm
flying
first
class....
The
captain
whispers
in
her
ear...
and
the
blonde
gets
up
and
jumps
into
a
seat
in
the
coach
cabin...
The
stewardess
asks
the
captain
what
he
said
to
get
her
to
move
so
fast..
He
replied,
- "I
told
her
that
1st
class
is
not
going
to
Atlanta."
*****
A
grandmother
receive
this
note
from
her
13-year-old
granddaughter:
"Thanks
for
the
check.
I
will
use
it
to
buy
things
my
parents
say
are
a
waste
of
money."
*****
There
was
a
German,
Swedish
and
a
Polish
guy
stranded
on a
Island.
They
find
a
genie
bottle
in
the
water,
they
rub
it
and
a
genie
pops
out.
The
genie
says
since
there
is
three
of
you,
each
one
gets
one
wish,
so
he
starts
with
the
German
guy
and
asks
him
what
he
wishes,
he
says,
"I
miss
my
wife
and
family
very
much
so I
would
like
to
be
back
home."
Poof,
the
German
guy
is
gone.
Then
the
genie
asked
the
Swedish
guy
what
his
wish
will
be
and
he
says,
"I
also
miss
my
wife
and
family
very
much
I
would
like
to
go
home
too.
Poof,
the
Swedish
guy
is
gone.
Then
the
genie
asked
the
Polish
guy
what
his
wish
will
be
and
he
says,
"You
know
I
miss
the
other
two
guys
very
much
I
wish
they
would
come
back.
Poof
the
German
and
Swedish
guys
came
back.
*****
This
lady
got
home
and
bursts
in
yelling,
"Pack
your
bags
honey,
I
just
won
the
lottery!"
The
husband
says:
"Oh
wonderful!
Should
I
pack
for
the
beach
or
the
mountains?"
She
then
replies,
"I
don't
care...
Just
get
the
hell
out!"
*****
Tom
had
this
problem
of
getting
up
late
in
the
morning
and
was
always
late
for
work.
His
boss
was
mad
at
him
and
threatened
to
fire
him
if
he
didn't
do
something
about
it.
So
Tom
went
to
his
doctor
who
gave
him
a
pill
and
told
him
to
take
it
before
he
went
to
bed.
Tom
slept
well
and
in
fact
beat
the
alarm
in
the
morning.
He
had
a
leisurely
breakfast
and
drove
cheerfully
to
work.
-
"Boss",
he
said,
"The
pill
actually
worked!"
-
"That's
all
fine"
said
the
boss,
"But
where
were
you
yesterday?" |
|
Q:
How did the blonde die while raking leaves?
A:
She fell out of the tree.
Q: What does cake say to the fork?
A: You wanna piece of me?
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