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Jokes #2
A
foreman
sent
out
two
groups
of
men
to
put
up
telephone
poles
along
a
new
highway
and
asked
them
to
report
at
the
end
of
the
day.
The
crews
were
gone
all
day
and
returned
just
as
the
sun
was
setting.
The
foreman
asked
the
leader
of
the
first
group
how
many
poles
they
had
installed.
The
reply
was
eleven.
The
foreman
patted
the
guy
on
the
back
and
said,
-
"Not
bad."
Then
he
went
to
the
leader
of
the
next
group
and
asked
him
the
same
question.
Two
was
the
reply.
-
"Two!
All
you
installed
were
two?!
The
other
group
installed
eleven!"
The
foreman
exclaimed
angrily.
-
"Yeah,"
the
leader
answered,
-
"But
you
should
have
seen
how
much
they
left
sticking
out!"
*****
Why
did
the
cow
go
to
the
video
store?
To
get
a
MOOvie.
Why
can’t
you
get
a
straight
answer
from
a
wrestler?
They
are
hard
to
pin
down.
What
do
you
get
when
you
cross
a
dinosaur
and
a
vegetable?
A
broccosaurus.
What
happens
to a
cat
who
drinks
too
much
lemonade?
It
turns
into
a
sourpuss.
Why
did
the
turkey
cross
the
road?
It
was
the
chicken’s
day
off.
Why
do
turkeys
always
go,
"gobble,
gobble"?
Because
they
never
learned
good
table
manners.
If
there
were
ten
cats
in a
boat,
and
one
jumped
out,
how
many
cats
would
be
left?
None.
They’re
copycats.
What
do
you
call
a
cat
at
he
beach?
Sandy
Claws.
What
happened
when
the
turkey
got
into
a
fight?
He
got
the
stuffing
knocked
out
of
him.
Why
is
impossible
to
sleep
during
a
tennis
match?
Because
of
all
the
racquet.
*****
A
woman
sees
a
lawyer
about
a
divorce.
He
asks,
Any
grounds?
Woman:
yeah,
about
2
acres.
Lawyer:
Do
you
have
a
grudge
?
Woman:
No,
we
have
a
car
port.
Lawyer:
Does
your
husband
beat
you
up
in
the
morning
?
Woman:
No,
I
get
up
before
him.
Agitated
lawyer:
Well,
do
you
or
don't
you
want
a
divorce
?
Woman:
No,
my
husband
wants
it...he
says
he
can't
communicate
with
me !
*****
When
a
car
skidded
on
wet
pavement
and
struck
a
telephone
pole,
several
bystanders
ran
over
to
help
the
driver.
A
women
was
the
first
to
reach
the
victim,
but
a
man
rushed
in
and
pushed
her
aside.
-
Step
aside,
lady,
he
barked.
I've
taken
a
course
in
first-aid!
The
women
watched
for
a
few
minutes,
then
tapped
him
on
the
shoulder.
-
Pardon
me,
she
said.
But
when
you
get
to
the
part
about
calling
a
doctor,
I'm
right
here.
*****
A
man
was
sitting
in a
bar
complaining
about
how
much
he
hated
his
wife.
After
a
few
minutes
the
man
next
to
him
said:
-
"Hello.
My
name
is
Art.
I
couldn't
help
but
overhear
you.
If
you
give
me a
dollar
I'll
kill
your
wife
for
you.
"The
man
said:
-
"Great!
She'll
be
at
Kroger's
tomorrow
in a
black
car.
The
next
day
Art
went
to
Kroger's
and
strangled
the
woman.
There
were
2
old
ladies
watching
him,
so
he
strangled
them
too.
Then
the
police
arrested
him.
The
headline
the
next
day
said:
-
"Art
Chokes
3
For
A
Dollar
At
Kroger's"
*****
Baseball
In
Heaven
Two
buddies
Bob
and
Earl
were
two
of
the
biggest
baseball
fans
in
America.
For
their
entire
adult
lives,
Bob
and
Earl
discussed
baseball
history
in
the
winter
and
they
pored
over
every
box
score
during
the
season.
They
went
to
60
games
a
year.
They
even
agreed
that
whoever
died
first
would
try
to
come
back
and
tell
the
other
if
there
was
baseball
in
heaven.
One
summer
night,
Bob
passed
away
in
his
sleep
after
watching
the
Yankee
victory
earlier
in
the
evening.
He
died
happy.
A
few
nights
later,
his
buddy
Earl
awoke
to
the
sound
of
Bob's
voice
from
beyond.
-
"Bob
is
that
you?"
Earl
asked.
-
"Of
course
it
me,"
Bob
replied.
-
"This
is
unbelievable!"
Earl
exclaimed.
"So
tell
me,
is
there
baseball
in
heaven?"
-
"Well
I
have
some
good
news
and
some
bad
news
for
you.
Which
do
you
want
to
hear
first?"
-
"Tell
me
the
good
news
first."
-
"Well,
the
good
news
is
that,
yes,
there
is
baseball
in
heaven,
Earl."
-
"Oh,
that
is
wonderful!
So
what
could
possibly
be
the
bad
news?"
-
"You're
pitching
tomorrow
night."
*****
Bad
Bird
A
man
buys
a
parrot
from
a
pet
shop.
The
parrot
is
highly
intelligent
but
all
he
ever
does
is
swears.
Day
and
night
the
parrot
shouts
out
obscene
words
and
phrases
until
one
day
the
man
decides
to
teach
him
a
lesson.
He
is
standing
in
the
kitchen
with
the
parrot,
constantly
swearing,
seated
on
his
shoulder.
The
man
tells
the
parrot
that
if
he
doesn't
stop
swearing
he
is
going
to
open
the
door
of
his
freezer
and
throw
him
in.
The
parrot
laughs
and
tells
him
that
he
wouldn't
dare.
The
parrot
ignores
the
threat
and
sure
enough,
the
man
opens
his
freezer,
grabs
the
bird
by
its
neck,
throws
him
inside
and
slams
it
shut.
The
bird
bangs
constantly
on
the
door
asking
to
be
let
out
and
promises
never
to
swear
again.
After
about
5
minutes
the
man
agrees
to
give
the
bird
one
more
chance
and
places
him
back
on
his
shoulder.
After
a
few
minutes
the
parrot
has
warmed
up
again
and
asks
the
man,
"What
did
the
chicken
do?"
*****
Once,
an
engineer
was
accidentally
sent
to
hell.
The
engineer
installed
running
water,
air
conditioning,
and
a
fax
in
Satan's
office.
Gradually
hell
became
an
agreeable
place.
When
God
heard
of
this,
he
was
furious.
He
went
to
Satan,
and
demanded
the
engineer
at
once.
Satan
refused.
God
said,
-
"If
you
don't
give
me
the
engineer,
I
shall
take
you
to
court".
Satan
didn't
seem
worried.
He
said,
-
"You
can't
do
that."
-
"And
why
not
?..."
God
asked.
-
"Where
do
you
think
you
are
going
to
get
a
lawyer
from?"
says
the
devil. |
|
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just let me in!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ketchchup Ketchchup who?
Kethchup to me and I will tell you.
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